How Pakistani parents can protect their children from cyber bullying

Recently, I met the parents of a teenage boy who was a victim of cyber bullying. The parents were clueless. They had no idea what to do or how to handle the situation, thus they prohibited their son from using the Internet.

As a result, the son became withdrawn. He dreaded going to school, lost interest in social activities with friends and his academic performance dropped. Most of his time now was spent locked in a room. What was worse was that his Internet privileges — not of those who were bullying him — were taken away.

Bullying is not a new notion. It has always existed, yet research on it only began a few decades ago. The bully repeatedly and intentionally inflicts injury to the victim. This creates an imbalance of power, either physical or psychological. We, psychologists, had only just begun to grasp the concept of bullying when technology brought to the fore a new form of harassment: cyber bullying.

Cyber bullying is different from traditional bullying. In the virtual world, the bully never has to confront the victim face-to-face, is removed from the direct psychological and emotional impact of bullying, is not limited by space or time restrictions, and never has to leave the comfort of his/her house. Online harassment and intimidation can be via emails, text and chat messages, pictures using phones and commonly used websites such as Facebook. It can happen at school and at work and it is not limited to a specific age group.

Behaviours associated with cyber bullying include repeatedly circulating negative messages about a person, stalking, threatening or intimidating, spreading rumours, ostracisation, or sharing humiliating images of someone.

Research shows that boys tend to be more involved in traditional bullying than girls.

Most schools in Pakistan do not have policies and strategies in place to prevent traditional bullying, let alone cyber bullying. Since cyber bullying tends to occur mostly outside the school, it further relieves the schools from taking any responsibility. For parents and educators, the seriousness of the issue should not be ignored. Victims of cyber bullying can experience depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and confidence, interpersonal difficulties, lower academic performance, absenteeism, as well as psychosomatic symptoms such as headaches.

But here are certain steps you can take as a parent: Firstly, you need to create an environment where children feel comfortable sharing such incidences. For example, oftentimes, teenagers are reluctant to share these experiences because they are afraid they will lose Internet privileges or their parents would blame them for “excessively” using the Internet and phone. It is important to monitor children’s activity on the Internet to not just see if the child is being bullied, but also to see if the child is a bully.

Both educators and parents need to be aware that bullying is not a form of “play” and can have long-term negative effects. Schools need to be more vigilant in implementing policies regarding bullying and cyber bullying. Simply saying that the school has a zero-tolerance policy is not going to eliminate or prevent either one. Schools should introduce programmes that raise awareness among teachers, students, and parents. In case of victimisation, schools should have counselors who can provide proper support. Or refer the student to professional help outside the campus.

Another important step towards prevention is to make children and adolescents understand that they will be held responsible for their actions. They should be made aware of the effects their negative behaviours can cause and the repercussions that will follow.

Oftentimes, even if not bullies themselves, individuals can become accomplices or silent bystanders. If bullying behaviours are witnessed, it’s important they be shared with an adult either at school or home who is in a position to address the issue while maintaining confidentiality.

It is time that parents in Pakistan educate themselves about the issue of online abuse, and create safe spaces for their children.

Humayun is a practicing psychologist, educationist, and research and policy analyst. She can be reached at [email protected]