I feel dejected and demotivated all the time. How to get rid of these feelings?

Dear Haya,

I am a graduate and currently working at a well-reputed company. For the last couple of years, I have been constantly getting these negative thoughts that prevent me from doing something for myself or my future. Even a minor setback demotivates me and heavily affects my mental health. This happens to the extent that I stop everything I'm doing and give up.

This particularly happened when I applied for a scholarship but got rejected. The rejection shattered me after which I stopped applying altogether. Similarly, it happened when I started looking for new jobs but the constant rejection led me to the point where I now feel like an absolute failure. Moreover, I can't focus on myself as well, while starting to feel hopeless.

How do I get rid of this feeling of hopelessness and what do I do to stop feeling demotivated all the time?

A dejected professional

Dear dejected professional,

The most important relationship is one's relationship with themselves. It is a reflection of all other bonds and experiences of your life.

What is your relationship with yourself? What are the core beliefs you hold about yourself? Do you feel worthy? Do you feel good enough?

Everything you do in life will be null and void until you don’t work on the core relationship with yourself. It would be helpful to explore (preferably with a trained professional) what limiting beliefs are you holding and carrying about yourself that are not enabling you to move forward.

Do you feel that being rejected from a job or scholarship means you’re not worthy?

Each of us has infinite potential that mostly goes untapped due to our own limiting beliefs.

Below are a few things you can do to manage your feelings:

1. Recognize your feelings. Acknowledge you feel this way.

2. What is your WHY? The purpose behind your feelings.

3. Set SMART goals — specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and timely.

4. Practice self-compassion. While you navigate working through what you want, offer yourself the compassion you would to a friend going through something similar.

5. Focus on self-care activities that will boost your mental health – the basics such as quality sleep, exercise, meditation, nutrition and positive relationships.

6. Reflect on your failures. What have you learnt from them?

Assess where you may be going wrong. For example, is your resume updated and reflective of your current potential? What are your interview skills like, perhaps they need practice. What went wrong with your application? Instead of focusing on the outcome of rejection, focus on where you specifically went wrong and what you can improve.

7. Practice behavior flexibility. What behaviour do you need to modify to reach your desired outcome?

Creating the life you want is not easy, you will have setbacks and obstacles.

What matters is whether you are willing to deal with the discomfort that is required to create the life you want.

Failure and rejection are a part of life, something we can’t control. What we can control is how we choose to relate to that failure and how we allow it to shape us. Do you allow it to pull you back or fuel you forward?

Everything in life is hard, feeling how you’re feeling now is hard. Working through your discomfort and creating the life you want is also hard. You can either settle for the life you have and continue to feel this way, or you can rework towards the life you want, experience the discomfort that comes with it and grow from it. Choose your hard.

We need to realise the role we play in our own suffering.

Hope this helps!

Best Wishes,

Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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