'Am I selfish for prioritising my life's goals before my parents happiness?'

Dear Haya,

How can I effectively fulfill my wish to support and improve my parents' lives, while keeping my personal goals and well-being intact. Sometimes, I feel really overwhelmed and guilty, as I try to push myself to work and earn more.

As much as I would love to make my parents happy, it is also my wish to achieve certain goals in life and work towards accomplishing them. But it is often difficult to strike a balance between the two.

Does prioritising my goals before my parents happiness make me selfish?

— A concerned daughter

Dear concerned daughter,

It is completely okay to want to support your parents and pursue your own goals and well-being. I understand how balancing these responsibilities can feel overwhelming and lead to feelings of guilt.

Let’s explore this in detail.

When you say you wish to improve your parents’ lives, in what way do you mean that specifically? Get clear on how exactly you want to do that.

When you say you would like to make them happy, I would encourage you to get curious about what would make them happy. Sometimes, the way we want to give happiness to others is different from the way they would like to receive it.

While you wish to pursue your personal goals and improve your parents’ lives, what makes you feel like you have to choose? It can be an 'and' not 'or'. The only limits we place are within our own minds.

What about pursuing your goals makes you selfish? What makes you feel your parents would not be happy for you to see you achieving your goals. I would encourage you to explore that.

Communicate with your parents on how you are feeling. Discuss your needs with them, understand theirs, manage expectations and create a solid plan on how you can achieve both.

Remember, it is important to remember that prioritising your personal goals and well-being does not make you selfish. In fact, taking care of yourself is essential for you to be able to support others effectively.

Your desire to support and improve your parents' lives while also striving to achieve your own goals is an admirable aspiration. Additionally, practicing self-compassion and understanding that it’s okay to prioritise your needs is crucial. By maintaining this balance, you can work towards your aspirations without compromising your mental health and personal fulfillment, ultimately allowing you to provide more meaningful support to your parents.

Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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