'I'm a single mom trying to rebuild life for my children. How do I stay motivated?'

Hi Haya,

I'm a single mother of three kids and got divorced a year ago. I have tried my best to get back on my feet for my children, but I find it very tough to stay motivated sometimes.

Following my divorce, I was staying with my family for a few months, but managed to find a space for the kids and myself, so that we're not a burden on anyone. I am proud to have taken that huge decision because living in that marriage was impossible. It's also a relief that my children, who have been witnesses to my suffering, are supportive of my decision, but sometimes I feel sad that they now have to live a struggling life because of me. I'm doing my best and providing for them through a teaching job, but I know it will take a lot of hard work to give them all they need to lead a good life.

I wanted to ask you how I can keep motivated, not necessarily for myself, but for my children who are now completely dependent on me. I feel very lost and demotivated in this journey. Please guide.

— A demotivated single mother

Dear single mother,

First of all, I want to acknowledge the incredible strength and resilience you've shown in navigating such a challenging period of your life. Making the decision to leave an impossible situation and build a life for yourself and your children takes immense courage. The love and determination you have for your children are so evident in your words and are your biggest motivators even though it may not feel that way.

It is clear that you’re already doing an incredible job as a mother, even though you may not always feel that way. The fact that your children support your decision shows that they see and appreciate your strength, even if they don’t express it all the time.

Feeling lost and demotivated is completely natural for you to feel, especially when you’re carrying so much worry and responsibility. You’re navigating both the emotional weight of your divorce and the practical challenges of being a single mother, which is no small transition.

Before we get on further, I’d like you to stop and recognise how far you’ve come and acknowledge your journey so far. Sometimes we are so focused on looking ahead, we forget how far we’ve come.

When it comes to motivation, always expecting to be motivated is an ineffective strategy. Motivation comes and goes and thus is not dependable. However, something that can keep you going is connecting to your "WHY" — your purpose. Why you do what you do? And from what you've shared, your "why" seems deeply rooted in creating a better and healthier life for your children. When things get tough, reminding yourself of the progress you've already made and the vision you have for them can help sustain you.

Following are some of things I would consciously encourage you to do:

Focus on and acknowledge your small wins

We often get so caught up in how much further we have to go that we overlook how much progress we have already made. Focusing solely on the end goal can feel overwhelming, instead focus on the next small step forward instead. Reminding yourself of the obstacles you’ve already overcome — like finding a home for your family and keeping your teaching job — can help you appreciate how far you’ve come and the progress you’re continuing to make.

Take out some time for yourself

This may sound impossible to you, but it could even be 10 to 20 minutes before the kids wake up. A small simple routine before you start the day can make you feel more grounded and in control of yourself, giving you enhanced mental and emotional stability. To take care of your kids, you first need to take care of yourself.

Lean on your support system

While you’ve made incredible progress in creating independence, staying connected to supportive friends or family members or even people with similar journeys can help lighten your emotional load. A brief conversation with someone who understands can make a difference.

Self-compassion practice

It is normal to feel guilt or self-doubt, especially as a mother. When these feelings arise, try speaking to yourself as you would to a close friend — with kindness and understanding. Remind yourself that providing a loving, peaceful environment for your children is already a tremendous gift.

Process your feelings

You’ve been through a lot and as much as you need to keep moving forward, you also need to process what you’ve gone through and grieve the life you thought you’d have. I’d recommend for you to work with a therapist for some time to aid you in the process.

Focus on progress, not perfection

Your children don’t need a perfect life — they need a happy and resilient mother. By prioritising your well-being alongside theirs, you’re teaching them powerful lessons about courage and perseverance.

Best of luck for your journey ahead, you’re doing a remarkable job — one day at a time. Wishing you the best.

— Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personalised advice and solutions. The author and Geo.tv do not assume any responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided herein. All published pieces are subject to editing to enhance grammar and clarity.