'My family's overwhelming financial expectations burden me. How to deal with it?'

Hi Haya,

I'm reaching out to seek advice on how to deal with my family's exceeding financial expectations from me, as the situation has become immensely taxing for me mentally.

My family members expect me to heavily contribute towards the household expenses, often without the same expectations shown towards others in the house. This has caused extreme pressure on me which is put me under a lot of stress not only from a mental health aspect but is also affecting my physical health.

While I really care for my family and want to maintain a healthy relationship with them, I do feel that there is no reciprocation when I expect the same. There is no regard for my peace of mind and financial stability whatsoever.

Please advice how I can deal with this situation?

Dear anon,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you’re going through. It sounds like you are navigating a difficult balance between your love and sense of responsibility for your family and your own well-being where I hear how emotionally exhausting and overwhelming this has gotten for you.

Let's get right into it and take a closer look:

1. Understand your emotional and physical responses

Our bodies speak to us in various ways, only if we listen and when we don’t deal with our stressors it shows up in our state of being, alarming us that something needs to shift. When we feel obligated to meet others expectations at the cost of our own wellbeing It can create cycles of resentment guilt and exhaustion. A reflection that our needs are not being met. The stress you’re experiencing — both mentally and physically — is a clear sign that something needs to shift.

2. Set boundaries and protect your wellbeing

One thing to understand is that you are solely responsible for protecting your peace and wellbeing in a way that suits you best. A way to do that is by setting boundaries with clarity and confidence. A boundary is a space that defines your limits on what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. In this situation, that would look like defining what feels and is right for you — assessing how much you can and want to contribute without creating financial instability or resentment.

• What amount or type of support can I provide without harming my own financial and emotional wellbeing?
• What would a fair and sustainable financial contribution look like for me?
• How can I communicate my limits in a way that is firm but still respectful?

Setting boundaries doesn't mean you don’t care, it means you're making sure that you can continue to care without sacrificing yourself.

You then communicate your boundary this in a calm yet firm manner. For example:

"I will continue to support the household however, going forward, I can contribute [specific amount] per month, and beyond that, I will not be able to assist. This is what I can manage while also maintaining my financial and mental well-being."

3. Shift the family dynamics through open communication and encourage shared responsibility

It may be helpful to have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with your family. Express that while you care deeply for them, the current arrangement is unsustainable for you.

Use "I" statements to avoid defensiveness. For example, you can say the following:

"I feel overwhelmed with the financial expectations placed on me, and it is affecting my mental and physical health. I need us to have a fairer distribution of responsibilities so that I can also take care of myself."

If certain family members are not expected to contribute as much, you might need to gently address this imbalance. You could say: “I believe it would be fair if we all contribute in a way that aligns with our individual financial capabilities.”

This shifts the conversation from you being the primary provider to a collective responsibility.

4. Prepare for possible resistance

Change isn’t always welcomed, especially if a pattern has been long established. Your family might not initially understand or accept your boundaries, and that’s okay. The key is consistency — you don’t have to explain or justify your limits repeatedly. Stay firm in what you decide is best for you. Remind yourself why you are making this change

5. Protect your mental and financial wellbeing

You have to take ownership of your peace of mind and financial stability. Start by prioritising your own financial goals, you have a future to build and it is okay to set aside money for yourself and not feel guilty about it.

6. Invest in self-care

Since this situation has already impacted your mental and physical health, consider integrating self-care practices that help you regulate stress, such as mindfulness, journaling, or confiding in a trusted friend. Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, it leads to healthier relationships where your needs are also considered.

7. Speak with a professional

If you find it too difficult to manage on your own, I would suggest seeking professional help from a therapist/coach to support you in the process.

Remember, you are not responsible for carrying everything alone, and it’s okay to stand up for your own needs. This situation may take time to shift, but by communicating openly, setting clear financial boundaries, and prioritising your well-being, you can create a healthier balance in your family dynamic.

I hope you give yourself the same care and consideration that you extend to others.

— Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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