'How to stop my inquisitive sisters-in-law from interfering in my life?'

Hi Haya,

It's been a year since I got married but have been dealing with a rather common issue that many girls face after marriage. My husband lives abroad because of work, so I still live at my parents' home. However, my sisters-in-law are somehow still very inquisitive about what's going on in my life.

Both my mother- and father-in-law had passed away years before our marriage, so my husband suggested that I stay with my parents until I'm able to join him abroad. But this bothers my sisters-in-law who have been very nosy about what I do and where I go while I'm still living with my parents.

I don't get their obsession with my life because when my husband doesn't complain about anything, how are they entitled to ask me questions. Their behaviour makes me very angry and I often end up ranting about it to my husband. But then it also puts him under pressure and I hate doing that to him.

Please tell me how to handle this situation?

— A frustrated newlywed

Dear anon,

Thanks for writing in and sharing what you're going through. A relatable situation for many who may be experiencing something similar.

Firstly, your feelings are completely valid. Living apart from your spouse in the first year of marriage is already tough, and dealing with unsolicited commentary from extended family just adds unnecessary emotional weight.

Now about your sisters-in-law. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for people to project their own expectations or insecurities onto others, especially in close-knit family dynamics. Their questions and judgements likely say more about them than they do about you. That said, I understand how invasive and frustrating it feels, especially when you’re trying to just live your life in peace.

Let's take a closer look.

First and foremost as long as you and your husband are aligned, no one else’s opinion should carry weight in your personal decisions. It sounds like them asking you questions is angering you which is reflective of your boundaries being crossed. Remember, you don't need to answer anything you don't want to.

You could approach this situation in the following ways:

1. Approach the situation with curiosity: Ask them questions in return or gently deflect.
2. Get curious within: What about them asking you questions is triggering you? What is being triggered within? Your triggers are your teachers and will guide you in what needs to be met.
3. Create emotional boundaries: Respond in a way that protects your peace and well being. For example you don't need to give them updates or explanations about your life. If they ask where you're going or what you’re doing, a neutral but firm "Just taking care of a few things" or "All is well, thanks for asking" can go a long way. You don’t owe them details.

When you are reflecting on the boundaries with your sisters-in-law you need to keep in mind the outcome and what kind of a relationship do you want to maintain with them long term, let that guide your tone and boundaries.

You’ve also mentioned that you often end up ranting to your husband — something that, as you’ve noticed, doesn’t lead to any positive outcome. In fact, it seems to cause him stress, which you clearly don’t want to do. That speaks volumes about your care for his well-being and shows a great deal of emotional maturity on your part. It’s also worth considering that this repeated stress might start affecting his relationship with his sisters, which isn’t your intention.

You could let your husband know that moving forward even though this bothers you, you don't want it to come between the two of you and you will handle the situation by yourself.

It is important to learn how to manage these challenges on your own terms in a way that protects you. That’s part of developing emotional resilience and protecting your marriage and of course lean into your support system when you require.

Remember, It’s easy to start doubting yourself when people constantly question your choices, but remind yourself: your marriage, your circumstances, your pace. You're not doing anything wrong. You're doing what's best for your relationship given the current reality.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for protecting your own peace and well-being. How you choose to respond sets the tone for how others treat you.

Lastly, when people are invasive, it is often because they are not used to healthy boundaries. Slowly as you keep practicing this, it sets the tone for the relationships.

Good luck! You’ve got this.

Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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