Khloé Kardashian makes heartbreaking admission about dad's death

Khloé Kardashian remembers holding grudges against her late father for his sudden death.

The reality star, 40, made some heartbreaking admissions in a recent episode of her Khloé in Wonderland podcast about the death of her father Robert Kardashian in 2003.

The Kardashians star began by recalling how Robert died of esophageal cancer only about "six or seven weeks after diagnosis."

I don't think he was lying to us, I don't think he could accept himself that it was terminal, but he never used those words with us. So I just thought, 'Oh, if I don't see him, this isn't real,'" Khloé told grief expert and author David Kessler.

The podcaster noted that she was just 19 and needed "someone to blame" for the loss so she turned that anger on her late father.

"I, at 19, distracted myself with my friends, and when he did die, I remember what guilt I felt for not spending more time with him. But then that guilt turned into anger, because then I was like, I need someone to blame, so I’m gonna blame my Dad, cause he didn’t tell me that it was terminal."

"In my head, I rationalised it. If he had told me, I would’ve showed up more," the reality star went on.

Khloé, who is now mom to two young kids, shared that she now gives both herself and her father some grace given the complex situation. "I don't know if I would've," she admitted. "I just dealt with his passing the best way I knew how."

She further admitted to being "totally at peace" now with her father's death, adding that she owes it to a producer on season 1 of Keeping Up with the Kardashians for pushing her to talk about Robert during an interview.

"For about three years I was incredibly angry and I was filming my show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and on season 1, I remember one of my producers was making me do an interview about my dad, because I wouldn't talk about my dad, because at that time if I spoke about him I would just break down," she explained.

Khloé recalled being "so annoyed at this producer." She told Kessler, "I was like, why are they making me sit in this dark room and talk about something I don't want to talk about?"

Khloé is parent to her daughter True, 7, and son Tatum, 2, both of whom she shares with her ex Tristan Thompson.